If I could change the world

I will change the world.

Those five purposeful words abound in my dog-eared collection of old examination essays, debate speeches and college applications. Along with overused clichés like "I will make a difference", "I will serve my country" and "world peace", these phrases transform my pieces into soaring, emotional, inspiring compositions that touch hearts, rouse spirits, gain marks, score As, and win competitions. Teachers and judges look out for these particular expressions; after all, we all love to hear determined, motivated young people speak out about their lofty, admirable ambitions and goals in life. We all fancy calls to action; written with flair, spoken with eloquence.

If only I meant what I said.

I lied.

To convince my audience, I put on poise, conviction and confidence. I acted like I really believed that I could change the world. To them, I was passionate, zestful, and true; to myself, I sounded hollow, insubstantial, and fake. I was a petty actor; one who could convince everyone but himself. I could deceive everyone, but could not afford to fool myself.

I really don't know whether I can change the world or not.

Honestly, I think I want to change the world, but to say that I will change the world is a complete lie. It makes a feel-good, but nonetheless dubious statement that is left hanging; its veracity unjustified. I fear that I cannot fulfil this prophecy, for I am unconvinced of my own abilities. I fear that I cannot walk my talk, that I cannot live up to my word.

I am doubtful of myself.

After all, I am but an average 18 year old who wants to have fun, friends, and good grades. I am no genius, no superhuman, no Olympic medallist, no prodigy, no wizard, no whiz kid extraordinaire. I cannot fly, go back in time, solve Fermat's last Theorem, cast magic spells, play Prokofiev's Piano Concerto No. 2 in G Minor, or recite the Periodic Table from memory.

Am I destined to do great things? I think not. Much less change the world.

But there is this nagging feeling that persistently irritates me. Without fail, my conscience reprimands my intellect for being so cold and pragmatic. There is something in facts and statistics and practicality that my heart despises. It hates the realism, the pessimism, the dearth of hope.

My soul cries out: it exhorts me to re-examine my outlook! Enough of 'logic'! It entreats me to ignore the constraints and limits of common sense, as just for a while. Enough of 'reality'! It tells me not to take into account that I'm not competent or capable enough. Enough of being 'rational'! It begs me to indulge my senses in youthful optimism, in hopeful idealism, to set my mind free, to wish, to dream, to imagine!

It dares me to ask the question - "If".

If I could change the world, would I?

That is the question.

It is a question worth contemplating, worth examining, worth meditating upon.

If I could change the world, would I?

If I had the power to – perhaps?

Even against violent, vehement, vicious opposition? Even if I was ridiculed and mocked and jeered at? Even if the odds were stacked against me? Even if no one had done it before? Even if facts and statistics and practical common sense dictated that I had absolutely no chance of succeeding?

Charles Stewart Parnell did! He laid the foundation for Irish unity and Home Rule which spread nationalistic fervour throughout the British Empire, influencing Gandhi and Nehru towards their own pursuit for independence. Rosa Parks did! She refused to give up her bus seat, and her non-compliance ultimately led to the triumphant civil rights movement of America.

Society, at that time, condemned them for being indolent and rebellious. But despite threats against their lives, liberty and property, they chose to do what they knew was right.

For centuries, talk of going to the moon was pure laughingstock. Yet the small step for Neil Armstrong was a giant leap for mankind – mankind has succeeded, despite cynicism, despite infinite problems, despite the odds. Lieutenant-General Romeo Dallaire defied orders to withdraw United Nations troops and as a result saved at least twenty thousand Tutsis from brutal death during the Rwandan genocide.

Oh, how I wish that I too could leave my mark in history as they did!

Ah, they took the road less travelled! And somewhere ages and ages hence, we tell great stories about these exceptional men and women who chose to take on the less popular, irrational path, and how that has made all the difference.

And what a difference they have made.

Interestingly, all of them were just normal, ordinary, imperfect human beings.

The only thing that made these ordinary people great is the one thing they had in common: they never stopped believing in themselves and the righteousness of their cause. They knew that their causes were greater than themselves; that they were at tipping points of sorts; that they could indeed change the world, despite their imperfections. They stayed true to themselves, and against all odds, they never, never, never, never, never gave up.

Perhaps that is all it takes to change the world – to just listen to our hearts, and never give up.

If I could change the world, would I?

I would.

Because after all, perhaps it isn't as impossible as I imagined it to be.

But can I really change the world?

I want to think so.

If being normal and imperfect didn't stop Parnell and Gandhi and Armstrong and Rosa Parks from changing the world, why should it stop me? I will change the world, and the shackles of reality will not weigh me down.

I want to dream! I want to become Prime Minister and speak out against discrimination and oppression! I want to imagine! I want to revamp our exam-oriented education system and expose our children to learning for learning's sake! I want to fight poverty, to cure cancer, to resolve wars, to battle corruption, to educate children, to nurture lives! I want to give hope to our world!

Perhaps changing the world starts from small dreams that grow and grow and grow.

Then again, maybe I am already changing the world through my seemingly unimportant actions. Maybe I am already influencing classmates by speaking out about socio-political issues. Maybe I am touching lives when I volunteer at the nearby special needs children centre.

Maybe butterflies which flap their wings in Brazil really do cause tornadoes in Texas. Maybe solitary raindrops do cause ripples to travel all over the surface of otherwise serene, peaceful ponds.

It is a hauntingly beautiful concept: that I have the power to shape and mould my future. That through whatever I do, no matter how seemingly insignificant it might be, I will be able to influence humanity, someway, somehow.

Perhaps I didn't lie after all.

Perhaps I was telling the truth in my examination essays, debate speeches and college applications.

Perhaps I really will change the world.

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